i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
