grandma shit on top of the toilet
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
