Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
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