1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
