then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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