the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
