ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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