Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
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was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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