Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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