look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
