you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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