Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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