So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
