too bad you live with your parents still
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
