Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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