dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
