My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
