i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
