We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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