i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
