I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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