Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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