cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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