Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
