Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
