Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
