I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
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