What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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