i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
