remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
