Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
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He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
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last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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