You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
