Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
