I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
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We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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