thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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