What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
