We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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