Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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