How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
