from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
