I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
