saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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