Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I look excited, but its just a facade.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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