i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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