I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
