I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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