1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
