he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
