i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
