so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
