your room smells of hookers.
And success
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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