thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
