I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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