Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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