I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
