went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Please don't give away my fajitas
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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