he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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