I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize