I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
