I swear she didn't look like that last week.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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