he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Also, beer. Big fan.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
