i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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