Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
