Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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