never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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