And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
