so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
