take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
