not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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