just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Randomize
