This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
