Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
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Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
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This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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