Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
