I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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