i just made my gag reflex go away.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
