i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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