i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
