Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
