My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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