If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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