just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
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You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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