So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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