So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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