Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
