i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
