Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
