I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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